Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
