My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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