How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
