Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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