hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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