She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the liver wants what the liver wants
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
