I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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