apparently the secret to your success is patron
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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