I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Enjoy the penises
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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