So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
