Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
