I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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