I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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