If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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