why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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