ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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