Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
