speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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