No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
