Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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