I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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