they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
