Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
