**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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