The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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