a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
