I CAN MOONWALK!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
