so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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