just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
