I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
