I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
