I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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