I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
