Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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