I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
