the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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