I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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