Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
