Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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