He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize