Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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