Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
