i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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