Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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