the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
