how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
