apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
