Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
