This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
