he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
two words: eviction party
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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