Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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