Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We need to rekindle our bromance
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
