And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
