this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
