forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
