I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
