dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
