so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
